Curry & Specs!

My office manager Pam, was telling us this morning how she went out for a curry with her sister last night. They go to the same Indian restaurant fairly regularly and she always manages to forget to bring her reading glasses with her, so reading the menu is a problem. Now the head waiter has taken to bringing out a tray of spectacles for her to try on until she finds a pair she can read with! These are 'borrowed' from the other waiters, chefs, washers up etc in the kitchens and has become standard procedure when ever they see her coming, now that's what I call service!

Wallpaper paste creates havoc!

Well if it's not one thing, it's another! Having cancelled the holiday in Devon due to the weather being so pants, and having been at home for over a week with only his PC and Flight Simulator to keep him amused, Hubby decided that this would be a good time to finish decorating the kitchen!

This is a project he started about 6 months ago. Every time he painted the walls he decided after a couple of weeks that he wasn't happy with the colour, so he would go out and buy some more paint! The last layer was a lemony yellow which we both agree is too bright as the tiles and cupboards are a sort of oatmeal colour. So yesterday he went and bought some ivory cream paint and a roll of lining paper to improve the finish of the old walls. He had just climbed up the stepladder to place his first piece with a big bucket of freshly mixed wallpaper paste.

I suddenly heard this huge crash followed by an ominous silence, and then the air turned blue! I rushed out to find that he had knocked the bucket off a shelf and it had cascaded on to the floor, covering the electric meter and mains switches in wallpaper paste on the way down!

45 minutes later we had managed to clear it all up, using a dustpan to scoop up the layer on the floor, which is fortunately vinyl sheet. We went through about 2 rolls of kitchen paper and several of the dogs towels came in handy as well! Finally we were able to clean up the last vestiges of paste with a big dampened decorating sponge. God, that stuff is sticky!!

We had turned off the electric as soon as we saw the danger and had to take out all the fuses and clean them off before switching it back on again. Fortunately the viscose nature of the paste meant it had not penetrated into the innards of the elctrics so we were able to clean it up without too much trouble and switched everything back on OK - but it was a scary 10 minutes I can tell you!

Anyway we could well have done without that as it put Hubby's schedule back quite a bit, but trouper that he is, he got right back on it and has now finished the wallpapering, which has improved the overall look a lot, and has started painting the walls. He is perched on the worktop trying to paint round the top of the walls without getting it on the ceiling as well. I may go and give him a hand presently - or there again I may not (I've always found it best to just let him get on with it!).

What a wash out!

At this point I'd like to tell you all about the great holiday we just had in beautiful, sunny Devon - but I can't - because we didn't!

We were all booked up to go down for a week in the caravan, we had found this great site overlooking the river Dart, just down from the picturesque town of Dartmouth and with great views across the river. I was really looking forward to lovely evenings with great views & sunsets and days spent exploring the Torbay area, Dartmoor and the South Hams. One of the most beautiful areas in the UK.

Sadly it was not to be. The British Weather decided to do it's damndest and it became obvious by lunchtime on Saturday that it would be a complete waste of time to go. There was even a Severe Weather Warning put out for Devon with torrential rain and gale force winds forecast for pretty much the entire week.

So after some discussion and with the thought of trying to cope with 2 soaking wet dogs in a fairly small caravan every time they had to be taken for walks, and no chance of glorious views or sunsets etc., we sadly came to the conclusion there was nothing for it but to cancel the holiday and stay at home!

The only consolation has been the conviction we did the right thing as we stare out of the window at the lashing rain and the wind bending the trees. At least we are warm and dry and comfy cosy even if the British Summer has forsaken us. We just have to hope the week we have booked in September in the Lake District will prove better (she says optimistically - but don't hold your breath!).

TO ALL MY 'NUTTY' FRIENDS (Squirrel massage piccy must be seen!)

Have a fabulous STRESS FREE day!!!

(if picture not moving, click on it)

Sharing my sense of humour with you

I seem to be posting a lot of humorous stuff lately and not a lot of personal stuff. This is only because I am getting a lot of good stuff in my email and like to share it with you, my good friends. (Also I dont have a lot of time at the moment as I am working more on my new blog

Family History for Beginners

- feel free to drop in:-)I appreciate that not everyone is going to share my sense of humour, but I hope that you enjoy it. I only post what makes me laugh personally. It's all fairly harmless stuff, with only the odd joke that may not be in the best possible taste. I will continue to post anything I think will raise a smile among my readers and hope you continue to enjoy them.

One way to get a job! (probably not recommended!)

SENIOR CITIZEN JOB APPLICATION - B & Q

This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock!***

An English Love Poem!

Thought I'd share this with my readers (assuming I have any!)

Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top Notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me grannies grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter wot you look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the telly's on

And fetch another beer.