One way to get a job! (probably not recommended!)

SENIOR CITIZEN JOB APPLICATION - B & Q

This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock!***

Not going grey gracefully!

Today I made the decision to not go grey gracefully! I have been fighting this decision for quite a while, in fact ever since the last time I had my hair cut (over a year now). It has now reached that length (just below shoulder length)when it gets unmanageable and just looks strealy. When I was younger I coloured my own hair for years, but now I have gone past the 50 mark the impetus has been lost somewhere.

Actually I have been fascinated watching my hair change over the last couple of years and acquire a pewter hue. But actually its more a sparkly silver in the sun, especially when its just been washed and is cut short! Both my mother and grandmother were white by the age of 60 so it's in the genes. I have told my daughter this and she is horrified, unfortunately I only see her a couple of times a year and each time she is fascinated to see how much more silver I have aquired.

So I have taken the plunge and booked an appointment at the hairdresser for a cut and blow dry on Saturday. This means I am going to have to get on with the colouring before Saturday. Saturday being the day of the Company Christmas Dinner and Dance - hence the last minute panic stations - I have just realised I cannot go looking like the mad woman of Chaillot! Fortunately the first hairdresser I tried had a slot which saved a lot of time, but Saturday is going to be busy, what with having my hair done and then having to go shopping for something to wear, as I have also now realised that it simply will not be good enough to throw on the first thing I find in the wardrobe (and I simply do not have anything dressy enough to wear -aaaargh!)I live in jeans and t-shirts when not at work and resent paying good money for something I'm probably only going to wear once or twice - I have better things to spend my money on!